| Author | Comment | ||
|---|---|---|---|
 Robert Larkin |
Olio Debate: She of Incomparable Tittage vs. Firefox Girl |
Lead | |
|
Posts: 3287 (04/16/08 02:59 PM) sui generis |
Image: She of Incomparable Tittage
DAMN. Having seen them it is entirely excessive to add that some men will join monasteries because of them, replacing priests who
will see them, understand, and commit suicide. Small boys will have nightmares because of them. Others will spontaneously attain puberty at six as nature
insists upon yet mocks the possibility of having her. Look at her face, if you can, and realize she has looked in the mirror smiled and said damn.
Image: Firefox Boy |
||
|
Majin Dan |
|||
|
Posts: 2057 (04/17/08 12:11 PM) fnord
|
What dear Mr. Larkin is failing to realize is that bigger is not necessarily better. I drive a Toyota Yaris which is small yet big enough to
be functional, and gets the job done. I've never been able to understand the fascination people have with the Hummer line of automobiles, taking up every
inch of a lane and parking space. I certainly wouldn't want to have a Hummer on top of me during sex.
Doing a quick search for 'CN Tower Girl' -- which is what she's called by those people not under the spell of her freakishly large knockers -- reveals a forum thread where user Creepy_guy says, 'Its either sideways or in the pooper with this one. No way are you getting anywhere near her if you approach from the front. It'd be like running full tilt into a big rubber bouncy wall.' It's entirely true: even if I were to concede that her wet-nurse-for-ten-babies-at-once appendages were attractive -- which I won't, because they're not -- then we should still need to deal with the fact that they're entirely unpractical. This is not a woman you can use, it is one you admire from afar. We've talked about expensive wines here at Olio before and she is the 19th century wine of women. Utterly useless -- I'll edit that to 'udderly' because I can't pass up a pun -- and worthless to anyone but the select few that give her value because they've decided that her value should exist. I wouldn't pay thousands of dollars for wine that's long since turned to vinegar and I won't give the time of day to a woman with an inflatable raft grafted to her upper body. Maybe she wouldn't need the time from me if she could lift her arms above her breasts and look at a watch of her own. One final thing, and then I will rest my case (no further posts will be necessary as I am obviously the victor of this short lived debate): we are asked to 'Look at her face.' I have, and I must say that she is butt fucking ugly. The same enlarging gene that hit her breasts has obviously also taken residence in her nose. Her eyes are unremarkable, either for their beauty or ugliness, but the squint in them screams 'I am better tahn you.' The point could be made that the sun is in her eyes, causing her to squint, and I would concede the point were it not for her downturned mouth. This is not the mouth of a squinting woman, it is one of a bitch. She is saying with every muscle in her body, "I am high maintenance and I am better than you.' Compare that to the angelic radiance of Firefox Girl and there is absolutely no contest: we are comparing apples to potatoes. 
Image: Firefox Girl unedited, showing off the entirety of her magnificence
Prepare for
disappointment!
|
||
|
Robert Larkin |
|||
|
Posts: 3352 (04/24/08 03:07 PM) sui generis |
Gay men and sluts are birds of a feather and Dan has cattily written, even bitchily written, about She Of Incomparable Tittage and while he displays a picture
of Firefox Girl how little did he really value her. Like so many men - not you of course - Dan is a closet lesbian and his admiration of Firefox Girl is just
putting on another pair of panties.
It is true, She of Incomparable Tittage does not have the face and she does not have the body of Firefox Girl and so it will take a real man - like you - to appreciate her. SoIT is a Mona Lisa, a work of art in the whole and even if that whole is hard to approach, a real man can get it, unlike Majin Dan, whose virtue is small and soft. It takes a big man - like you - to appreciate the paragon of womanhood who is She of Incomparable Tittage. Lesser men are factored out by the yardstick of necessity. SoIT walks on in the sunshine of life waiting to soothe your nights and bear your children while Firefox Girl waits to cheat on you and to insist you change the poopy diapers by yourself - and that woman is so dumb that for your children's sake you had best do it. 
We have only one picture of She of Incomparable Tittage yet there are many pictures of Firefox Girl, and as is true of any slut, available to anyone who has the coin. Womanhood comes in many names but this woman herself has many names, like Firefox Girl and Emy18. 
Each will move us futher from the original, and at the end of the examination you will surely know a fraud has been perpetrated on you. 
The androgynousness of Firefox Slut is enhanced in this fine work, entitled by the artist, 'Firefox Bimbo As Homosexual, Like Majin Dan'. Such androgynousness could not appeal to real men - like you - but only to someone who insists his wife wear the trousers while he wears the frilly negligee, a big old grin on his face as his wife reaches for the dildo. 
Shown here plying her trade in an alley, the 'him' she has ditched would be you. 
Finally, she stands revealed. That face says so clearly, 'I am a neurotic wreck so get it up because afterward you're going to listen to me bitch and whine and moan and complain until you head for the couch, again.'
The expression on the Mona Lisa takes a real man to understand and there are no neuroses in it. Life is in it, full and ample and inviting. Life with Firefox Girl would be hellish, but not so life with She Of Incomparable Tittage, the perfect complement to the manhood the universe has visited in you. On behalf of She of Incomparable Tittage and all women I conclude by thanking real men - like you - for reading this debate at Olio, part of our ongoing contribution to the literature of female appreciation.
Last Edited By: Robert Larkin
04/26/08 08:42 PM.
Edited 2 times.
|
||
|
Majin Dan |
|||
|
Posts: 2066 (04/29/08 12:34 PM) fnord
|
Mr. Larkin here has quite obviously realized how deep he has gotten himself in this debate, and also what a hopeless cause is arguing for She of Inappropriate
Proportions. The nose, the breasts, the ugliness: all far bigger than they should be. In a desperate attempt to save face, he has gone as far as closing the
entire board to end this argument. I'm sure he will disingenuously insist on calling it a draw.
I admit that the last picture of Firefox Girl is an odd, unattractive one. She certainly does look needy and I knew from the start that it would not be helping my case to make the link to her gallery public. However, when weighing one unflattering picture against the rest of her stunning poses, there was no contest. I have always believed in allowing readers to draw their own conclusions, and if you are willing to let one goofy face ruin the entirety that is Firefox Girl then you do not deserve her. Is it not fitting, then, that Mostly Balls should be seen out by the enchanting Firefox Girl? The forum's first banner was 'Goodbye Testicles,' a wonderful take on the children's book genre, and now we leave with Firefox Girl. It may be in a bastardized form -- that is what Robert Larkin is, he is a bastard -- but her beauty shines through. Give her a beard, I'd still fuck her.
Prepare for
disappointment!
|
||
|
vinny the hack |
|||
|
Posts: 1751 (04/29/08 12:39 PM) Administrunktorbot |
I privately hailed the debate as a wonderful piece, but I feel terribly guilty not to have said so in public. It was not by design. I'm stupid that way.
It's too late to start a commentary thread, so I'll say it here. Great job both of you. I say it is as close to a draw as it possibly can be.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin
|
||
|
Majin Dan |
|||
|
Posts: 2067 (04/29/08 12:44 PM) fnord
|
Thank you, vinny. I accept your nomination for victor.
Prepare for
disappointment!
|
||
